Remember when we stayed up late and we talked all night...

People are beautiful to me...
Their dreams...
Their hopes...
But more importantly...
Their souls.
Friends are important to me.
I've always dreamed of having a close circle of friends.
God has given me those friends.
My friends are beautiful...
At times I feel like I become disconnected from some of them, though.
This makes me wonder...
Am I doing enough to stay connected with them?
Am I missing signals or subtle hints that they want to move on?
Does this really just mean that it's time to move on?
How do friends move on?
Is this supposed to happen?
My friends are beautiful to me...
I've tried to pick friends who push me in the right directions.
I've been pushed in wrong directions before...
And I followed them...
Those people are still beautiful but they aren't my friends anymore...
They aren't beautiful for the same reasons my actual friends are...
What happens when I try harder to stay connected with some friends and it seems as though they don't want to try harder to stay in my life?
I'll try and it'll reach a certain point, but then the day is gone and I didn't get to actually talk to them about life...
Their dreams...
My dreams...
Their hopes...
And my hopes...
And our spiritual journeys...
Is that really staying connected?
Should I keep trying?
How do I tell them that they're slipping away?
How do I tell them how much they mean to me?
How much I need those little pushes in my life...
Those simple moments when life passed us both by and we knew how to laugh about it...
The beauty of life...
The understanding of the beauty of life...
Those nights when they knew what I needed to hear...
And told me straight out because they cared about me...
Friends shouldn't apologize for telling you the truth.
Is there really such a thing as a true friend?
I know there are.
I know better than to get off there.
Sometimes God sends friends into your life for a very specific reason...
And then He takes them out of your life, also, for a very specific reason...
We don't always know the reasons in life...
We don't have to...
But sometimes God explains it to us a little farther down the road, when we're ready to listen...
The most important thing is to recognize that God never does anything without a reason behind it.
When someone leaves your life...
Thank God He allowed you to share in the life-journey of another beautiful person...
And then look for the little pushes they gave you in your life...
Treasure them...
Remember them...
And when you think about those nights you talked about how life passed you by and could laugh about it and tell each other the truth...
You'll discover...
That somehow...
They'll always be your friend.
And that's something beautiful.
Don't worry about staying connected...
Because if you're doing what you can...
God will work out the rest...
And losing touch doesn't mean losing the touch they left on your life.
That's what really matters.
Just remember that you're touching someone's life right now.
Maybe they need a little push right about now...
Listen to God and keep trying...

...Because people are beautiful.

God bless, y'all.
~Curtis~

I'm not who I was, but still not who I should be...

Who am I?
I'm not who you might think.
I've tried to fit in with your notion of perfection, but I know I still don't measure up.
I don't measure up to my own notion of perfection.
Nobody measures up, but I don't make that my excuse.
I'm just another sick person sitting across from my cure... convincing myself that I don't need it while I'm wasting away...
Is it still alright for me to tell others about the cure?
Yes, but I need to work more on allowing myself to me cured.
Sometimes I rush in where angels fear to tread.
Living means taking risks.
But does that mean that I live at all costs?
That depends on what I'm living for.
I know I don't always live for the right things.
Sometimes I try and sometimes I don't.
But God has used my mistakes to make something beautiful.
I need to learn to live for God more.
The more I live for God, the easier the smaller things will be.
If I am faithful in smaller things, God will give me bigger things.
Doing what's right often means doing what's hard.
And being faithful is hard, lol.
I need to protect my brothers and sisters.
I need to stop wasting myself away.
I need to do so much more in order to get to where I need to be...

God bless,
~Curtis~

It's been a while...

Life has been rolling blissfully along... And sadly, blogging has not shared a part of that bliss. Sorry! I used to be more into this; I don't know what happened. :-/ I've just always been more of a "well, don't you have a facebook?"-kinda guy. Oh, or a "can't I just give you a phone call?"-typa guy, too. Uhggg... I know that was an incomplete sentence for those of you who survived English V. with me...

Let's cover some preliminary updates, shall we?

My moped is out of commission for a while. The front hydraulic disc brakes went out. I should have figured something was wrong when I kept having to drop my feet and leave a little shoe rubber on the pavement before I could stop. I guess I'm just dense like that. I did change the oil by myself though. Still patting myself on the back for that one...

The hours at my job have been cut, but they told me they liked me, so I'm at peace with it now. Unsurprisingly, my social life has reached heights it's never known before... *give me a call, I'd love to do coffee sometime*... *cough* I still love my job and I'm past the point where I can blame my mistakes on the people who trained me (huge disappointment there). But we're all like family back there in the warehouse.

I've been sensing some unbalance in my spiritual life. (Backing up a bit, here) I usually stumble upon (not the magical program) a phrase that summarizes my desires or thoughts for the week. This week, it was, "holding loosely to the things of this world." What does it mean to hold loosely to stuff? What are some areas in my life in which this is not happening? What objects, people or events am I holding onto too tightly?

And again, I have to give the gold medal to entertainment. Entertainment. This beast that swallows my "free time" (which usually ends up meaning "time set aside for entertainment" {Uh, yea. Wrap your heads around that one, lol}), feeds my desires and tickles my emotions. Emotions. Funny little sensor thingys that I tickle with entertainment. Get the general flow of this? I feel like I keep jumping onto roller-coaster rides of emotion, fueled by the illustrious engines of entertainment. I decided that the best (or one of the best) way to demonstrate the action of "holding loosely to the things of this world" is to fast regularly from entertainment. And to give stuff away. Yea. Give stuff away. If I love something too dearly that I *feel* like I can't live without it, then it's probably time to go over my list of "things I live for" for the millionth time. :-P So that's been on my brain this week, and probably will be for a while.

Today was incredible. It actually all started yesterday. I'll explain. See, my mom walked downstairs to my room to find me there (imagine that). She said, "Guess what's happening at Church tomorrow?" I screwed up the side of my face in a contemplative imitation and blurted out the first thing that came to my head, "They're having a live, free concert instead of the worship service!" "You got that right." I stooped down to collect my jaw from my bedroom floor. Casting Pearls was doing the worship part of church! It was an incredible time of worship. At first, I was looking forward to hearing Agnus Deo again, but at far as that went, I was disappointed. But Vota (their new name, to avoid the ever looming confusion with Casting Crowns, since everybody's losing sleep over that) didn't fail to bring a refreshing sense of worship and humility! A song that literally brought tears to my eyes was God With Us, by Mercyme. It made me think so much about "holding loosely to the things of this world" and holding onto God. Here's the lyrics:

Who are we--- that You would be mindful of us?
What do You see--- that's worth looking our way?
We are free--- in ways that we never should be.
Sweet release--- from the grip of these chains.

Like hinges straining from the weight,
My heart no longer can keep from singing.

All that is within me cries
For You alone be glorified:
Emmanuel, God with us.

My heart sings a brand new song.
The debt is paid, these chains are gone.
Emmanuel, God with us.

Lord, You know--- our hearts don't deserve Your glory;
Still You show--- a love we cannot afford.

Like hinges straining from the weight,
My heart no longer can keep from singing.

All that is within me cries
For You alone be glorified:
Emmanuel, God with us.

My heart sings a brand new song.
The debt is paid, these chains are gone.
Emmanuel, God with us.

Such a tiny offering
Compared to Calvary;
Nevertheless,
We lay it at Your feet.

Such a tiny offering
Compared to Calvary;
Nevertheless,
We lay this at Your feet.

All that is within me cries
For You alone be glorified:
Emmanuel, God with us.

My heart sings a brand new song.
My debt is paid, these chains are gone.
Emmanuel, God with us.

...........................................

God bless, y'all!
~Curtis~

*Sigh*

"How are you? Are you ok?..."
God gave me something beautiful, your trust.
We were only trying to help you.
But then my pride got in the way and I thought that I could take my time. "For every word we never spoke,/ We have a tear to cry/ For every silence like a wall between a better you and I..." I built that wall by waiting. And when I realized what I had done through my pride, it was too late. I tore into that wall, but by the time I got through it, I found the wall that you had built on the other side. I knew that your trust was gone. I could feel it every time you were crying or needed a hug and I couldn't be there. Even though it hurt, I knew that you were being comforted and held.
Now that I see things the way they are, I have to rebuild that trust. It's not because you need the help anymore or not, it's because I wouldn't be able to handle standing alone in a room with you, staring helplessly at your wall even though my pride is gone. You trusted me once and the fact that I let you down and came back is all the more reason why it needs to be repaired. Pride builds walls, I know that now. But God has leveled the ground at the cross through His love. And God's perfect love has cast down the wall of separation that our pride originally built between us and God.
But when you asked me how I was, all these thoughts became sort of stopped up and clogged together, and all I could say was,
"Yea, I'm fine..."

~Curtis~

Will You Carry Me Down The Aisle That Final Day

I've been listening to a band that has managed to impress and surprise me. They're called Demon Hunter and I recently purchased their newest album: Storm the Gates of Hell. One song in particular has stood out. Here are the lyrics:

Carry Me Down

And if you see me losing ground
Don't be afraid to lie
I know the pain inside my heart
Can't break the fear inside of yours
And if you see me losing faith in what it means to die
Don't let me leave before I know what lies beyond the stained-glass doors

Save sorrow for the souls in doubt
Bleed every care out

Will you carry me down the aisle that final day,
with your tears and cold hands shaking from the weight?
When you lower me down beneath that sky of grey,
let the rain fall down and wash away your pain.

For every word we never spoke,
We have a tear to cry
For every silence like a wall between a better you and I.
So if you see me losing sight of all the death in life
Find the peace in every time I failed to see the death in mine

Let all the fear inside you drown
Tear out the blade and lay it down
Save sorrow for the souls in doubt
Bleed every care out

Oh, the blood is rushing out
Oh, I'm better off without
Oh, the walls are closing in
Oh, sing for me again


The song talks about the hope of the resurrection. It's a theme that has nearly vanished from the Christian's perspective and mind, it seems. Paul explains the consequences of a life without resurrection in 1 Corinthians 15.13-14, 17-19:

"But if there is no resurrection of the dead, then not even Christ has been raised. And if Christ has not been raised, then our preaching is in vain and your faith is in vain. ...your faith is futile and you are still in your sins. Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ have perished. If in Christ we have hope in this life only, we are of all people most to be pitied."

Paul wraps up chapter 15 with the triumphal verses 51-54:

"Behold! I tell you a mystery. We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised imperishable, and we shall be changed. For this perishable body must put on the imperishable, and this mortal body must put on immortality. When the perishable puts on the imperishable, and the mortal puts on immortality, then shall come to pass the saying that is written: 'Death is swallowed up in victory.'"

Thank God that there is a resurrection of the soul! Live in the hope of the resurrection and life will take on whole new perspectives and brilliance.

God bless,
~Curtis~

Short-ish Update

Hey y'all! Sorry I've been so behind in my blogging. I have several really good reasons, though! I promise! Here's some of the new stuff that's been goin' on around here:

1. I got a job.

I am now a proud part-time employee at Hobby Lobby! http://www.hobbylobby.com/ It's wonderful and I love the people I work with. :-) I've already discovered that two of my co-workers are Latter-Day Saints (they prefer not to be called "Mormons" because of certain extremists who claimed to be Mormon and gave the rest of them a bad name) and one other co-worker is a Catholic! So pray for me as I enter the new field of witnessing in the work area!

2. I got a moped.

A friend who was going into the army was selling his, so I bought it from him! The moped is a beaut. I've named it "Fyodor" in honor of Fyodor Dostoevsky, the great Russian novelist. *grins*

3. I've been stuffing down the math.

I have to finish a math subject (always also a painful subject) before July hits. Otherwise, I won't get a grade back for it in time for the receiving of my driver's license and, accordingly, a good student discount on my car insurance. So yea. That's definitely some good incentive goin' on there.

4. I've been hanging out with people.

Several of my friends from high school have graduated (and did I mention that I graduated too??) and planning to move far, far away for college this fall! So I have been running around merrily and frantically, connecting with someone here, stopping by to catch up with someone there and generally milking time for all it's worth.

5. I graduated.

*beams*

6. I lost a little motivation to blog.

It's true. *sighs* I can't blame my busy-ness for everything. I lost a lot of the will to carry on blogging the last few weeks. Sometimes I felt like I wasn't getting much feedback, or that, at the worst, my blog was only read by two or three people. While both of these scenarios are probably the case, I've decided not to give up on it. After a chat with a really good friend about something else, I came to the conclusion that God can still use my ramblings to encourage people, even if I can't see any results. And even though my blogging is only read by one person and it touches them somehow, that would be enough for me.

God bless, y'all!

And don't forget to check out my recent post on Generation MOVE! http://generation-move.blogspot.com/

~Curtis~

Generation MOVE: The Object and Purpose of Our Faith

*New post alert*

;-)

http://generation-move.blogspot.com/

~Curtis~

PS: Be sure to leave me comments on it and tell me what you think!