May I be honest with you?

I was reading the "Define Me" blurb on my Facebook today. It was interesting to read what words people used to describe me:

addict (thank you, Vieve), adorable (?, lol), beautiful spirit, chill, easy-going, encouraging, fun, genuine, godly, honest, humorous, inspiring, optimistic, passionate, talkative (don't know why they came up with that one), trustworthy and upright.

So I know that most of these were light-hearted. But "genuine?", "godly?", "honest?" and "upright?" It got me thinking. This is how people see me, even though I fall down in these very areas every day of my life. Maybe I'm just being my hardest critic? And then I read 1 Corinthians 4:3, 4; "But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged by you or by any human court. In fact, I do not even judge myself. I am not aware of anything against myself, but I am not thereby acquitted. It is the Lord who judges me." I wish so much that I could measure up to that. There's days when I've lost more ground than I gained and I intentionally let myself slide. As I was reading that 1 Corinthians passage, I just thought about what that would mean, to live as to have nothing on the proverbial rap sheet.

I don't want to just have a clean conscience, though. Romans 1:8; "First, I thank my God through Jesus Christ for all of you, because your faith is proclaimed in all the world." Can you imagine what it would be like to have a faith that is proclaimed of in all the world?? A person like that could easily change the world! I wish so much that I could be upright, Godly and a man of faith. I guess I just want to tell everybody that I'm not. I struggle with being a witness to people in person. I abuse the Grace of the Cross. I'm not honest with my parents at home. I have ulterior motives for otherwise, self-less looking things I do and say. I get so sick of it!

I used to think it was so curious when one of my friends signed their blog with "Your Fellow Sinner." I think as Christians, we are so willing to identify with the justification we've received and not willing enough to identify with the depths we came from and still return to. If you look at the Patriarchs of the Old Testament, you'll see something more than just great men of faith. You'll see humans, people who tried to do it their way. People who screwed up all the time. But you'll also see people who fell down on their faces before the presence of God and men who cried, "I am not worthy!" or "I am a dead man!" I think we need to return to that place. This is the place where we were when we came to the foot of the Cross and cried, "I am a sinner! I can't do this on my own, so I need YOU to save me!" True faith is taking God at His word and acting upon it. True repentance is not only turning away from sin, but turning to God to completely take over everything. True humility is always remembering the Cross, where we fell, where He picked us up and who He is. It's true, we are saved by Grace. We are justified by the blood of Christ. But we are all also just sinners saved by Grace.

Your Fellow Sinner, Saved By Grace,
~Curtis~