Social Graces, Revisited

It is funny to watch the nature of people and observe their presumed social responsibilities. In any given situation, someone will nearly always act in a way that they feel is socially acceptable. It can be hilarious when a situation comes along for which a prepared response in not available, packaged and ready for unloading. These situations can be very awkward and they often end in embarrassment, or harassment, sympathy, self-pity and brief to sustained self-loathing. Context in a conversation is the key, ladies and gentlemen. Always remember that. Prime examples of this tragic phenomenon are the misplacements of the traditional expressions, "thanks, you too," its counterpart, "yea, me too," "same here," or "oh, that's good." Most of these blunders are made abstractly and off-hand, to the great distress of the perpetrator, and occasionally, the hapless target.

"The semester exam is coming up. I wish I were dead!"

"Yea, me too."

Silence mingled with light shock will ensue directly following a comment of that nature. There are typically three responses to these disturbances of the social equilibrium. It is generally acceptable to leave a moment of grace after this careless remark in hopes of redemption and restorative measures; however, that is entirely up to the individual's discretion and emotional needs. The first response for the situation presented is the accusation. A person with high emotional needs would stop perfectly still in their laments and prepare to launch into this entirely new direction.

"Did you just say you wished that I was dead?!? Jerk!"

The offending party is left in the inevitable state of confusion and defense. Blood rushes festively to their face and the room seems to grow a few degrees warmer. The second common response is the derision. The scene is: you are leaving the front steps of a friend's house. He had just expressed his sorrow at not being able to attend a social function you had invited him to. As you make your way from his porch, he calls after you.

"Have a good time at the party tonight!"

"Thanks, You too!"

This may be one of the worst yet, as far as you, the unfortunate chap, goes. All the respective social authorities strictly forbid pouring over a farewell. You are half-way down the front walk by that time. And besides that, you were already bellowing across the lawn loud enough to wake the neighbors' deaf Siamese. The situation looks very grim. You keep walking anyway. You are not a fast thinker; that is why you got into this miserable, blundering business in the first place, blast it all! Behind the front door, your friend sneers derisively at the accidental transgression, despite his better upbringing. It is a bitter and cruel world we live in. The third response is a mutual moment of silence. This offense reveals more about the true character of the person at fault than both the other two solecisms.

"How's it goin'?"

"Horrible. My mum just died, the rest of my family disowned me, I lost my job and I'm a failure at life."

"Oh, that's good."

Awkward. Painfully awkward. And what do you say after something like that? Do you say, "I'm sorry, I am SO used to being indifferent about how you feel anyway, it just comes naturally now."? That will definitely NOT cut it. The only thing left for you to do is to prepare to live a life of social exclusion, harassment and sustained self-loathing. What a terrible way to be remembered by! What would your high school coach say to your biographer when you are gone? "He was a good kid. Really he was. He knew how to put his heart into the game. He was just socially backward." But let not your heart be troubled. All of these injustices CAN BE REMEDIED! My solution? Simply do not make these fatal errors to begin with.

~Curtis~