I'm not who I was, but still not who I should be...

Who am I?
I'm not who you might think.
I've tried to fit in with your notion of perfection, but I know I still don't measure up.
I don't measure up to my own notion of perfection.
Nobody measures up, but I don't make that my excuse.
I'm just another sick person sitting across from my cure... convincing myself that I don't need it while I'm wasting away...
Is it still alright for me to tell others about the cure?
Yes, but I need to work more on allowing myself to me cured.
Sometimes I rush in where angels fear to tread.
Living means taking risks.
But does that mean that I live at all costs?
That depends on what I'm living for.
I know I don't always live for the right things.
Sometimes I try and sometimes I don't.
But God has used my mistakes to make something beautiful.
I need to learn to live for God more.
The more I live for God, the easier the smaller things will be.
If I am faithful in smaller things, God will give me bigger things.
Doing what's right often means doing what's hard.
And being faithful is hard, lol.
I need to protect my brothers and sisters.
I need to stop wasting myself away.
I need to do so much more in order to get to where I need to be...

God bless,
~Curtis~

It's been a while...

Life has been rolling blissfully along... And sadly, blogging has not shared a part of that bliss. Sorry! I used to be more into this; I don't know what happened. :-/ I've just always been more of a "well, don't you have a facebook?"-kinda guy. Oh, or a "can't I just give you a phone call?"-typa guy, too. Uhggg... I know that was an incomplete sentence for those of you who survived English V. with me...

Let's cover some preliminary updates, shall we?

My moped is out of commission for a while. The front hydraulic disc brakes went out. I should have figured something was wrong when I kept having to drop my feet and leave a little shoe rubber on the pavement before I could stop. I guess I'm just dense like that. I did change the oil by myself though. Still patting myself on the back for that one...

The hours at my job have been cut, but they told me they liked me, so I'm at peace with it now. Unsurprisingly, my social life has reached heights it's never known before... *give me a call, I'd love to do coffee sometime*... *cough* I still love my job and I'm past the point where I can blame my mistakes on the people who trained me (huge disappointment there). But we're all like family back there in the warehouse.

I've been sensing some unbalance in my spiritual life. (Backing up a bit, here) I usually stumble upon (not the magical program) a phrase that summarizes my desires or thoughts for the week. This week, it was, "holding loosely to the things of this world." What does it mean to hold loosely to stuff? What are some areas in my life in which this is not happening? What objects, people or events am I holding onto too tightly?

And again, I have to give the gold medal to entertainment. Entertainment. This beast that swallows my "free time" (which usually ends up meaning "time set aside for entertainment" {Uh, yea. Wrap your heads around that one, lol}), feeds my desires and tickles my emotions. Emotions. Funny little sensor thingys that I tickle with entertainment. Get the general flow of this? I feel like I keep jumping onto roller-coaster rides of emotion, fueled by the illustrious engines of entertainment. I decided that the best (or one of the best) way to demonstrate the action of "holding loosely to the things of this world" is to fast regularly from entertainment. And to give stuff away. Yea. Give stuff away. If I love something too dearly that I *feel* like I can't live without it, then it's probably time to go over my list of "things I live for" for the millionth time. :-P So that's been on my brain this week, and probably will be for a while.

Today was incredible. It actually all started yesterday. I'll explain. See, my mom walked downstairs to my room to find me there (imagine that). She said, "Guess what's happening at Church tomorrow?" I screwed up the side of my face in a contemplative imitation and blurted out the first thing that came to my head, "They're having a live, free concert instead of the worship service!" "You got that right." I stooped down to collect my jaw from my bedroom floor. Casting Pearls was doing the worship part of church! It was an incredible time of worship. At first, I was looking forward to hearing Agnus Deo again, but at far as that went, I was disappointed. But Vota (their new name, to avoid the ever looming confusion with Casting Crowns, since everybody's losing sleep over that) didn't fail to bring a refreshing sense of worship and humility! A song that literally brought tears to my eyes was God With Us, by Mercyme. It made me think so much about "holding loosely to the things of this world" and holding onto God. Here's the lyrics:

Who are we--- that You would be mindful of us?
What do You see--- that's worth looking our way?
We are free--- in ways that we never should be.
Sweet release--- from the grip of these chains.

Like hinges straining from the weight,
My heart no longer can keep from singing.

All that is within me cries
For You alone be glorified:
Emmanuel, God with us.

My heart sings a brand new song.
The debt is paid, these chains are gone.
Emmanuel, God with us.

Lord, You know--- our hearts don't deserve Your glory;
Still You show--- a love we cannot afford.

Like hinges straining from the weight,
My heart no longer can keep from singing.

All that is within me cries
For You alone be glorified:
Emmanuel, God with us.

My heart sings a brand new song.
The debt is paid, these chains are gone.
Emmanuel, God with us.

Such a tiny offering
Compared to Calvary;
Nevertheless,
We lay it at Your feet.

Such a tiny offering
Compared to Calvary;
Nevertheless,
We lay this at Your feet.

All that is within me cries
For You alone be glorified:
Emmanuel, God with us.

My heart sings a brand new song.
My debt is paid, these chains are gone.
Emmanuel, God with us.

...........................................

God bless, y'all!
~Curtis~