I Still Try To Find My Place in the Diary of Jane...

Life is moving along. The future is still uncertain, but I'm learning how to accept that. Right now my interests lie in cinema and digital video. Depending on job availability, that might change. I've been learning to let go of interests. There is no security anywhere. I think this is God's way of keeping me moving. That's another thing I've learned lately. Following God never means settling down in one place and going static. There are tasks that always needs to be done, places that always need to be visited, people that always need to be met and a purpose that always needs to be discerned. Really, the Christian Walk is aptly named. My life is not so unlike an enormous jig-saw puzzle. God keeps fitting more pieces into place. Parts of me that I thought were lost are being restored. And always, I'm longing for the day when all makes sense and my picture is completed.

The people in my life are changing. I feel like a revolving door. I'll meet an individual or even a family who plays a part in my life and then God will move them somewhere else. Again, instead of resenting this cycle, I've come to accept it. I can appreciate someone for what I've been able to give to them as well as what they've given to me. As long as I can remember, I've been focused on people. Now I'm realizing more and more the ever-widening impact I have on those around me. But it's a little more than that. There's a different kind of freedom. Since more of the pieces of my life and characteristics are coming together, I'm finding that I can change myself to fit the needs of other people more specifically. And to supplement this, people are coming into my life that I feel like I can really mean something to.

I'm still far from where I need to be, though. It's still a challenge to speak the Gospel to others in person. This is usually hard for everybody, I guess. But it'll be on my mind even, when I'm talking to someone and somehow I just don't bring myself around to telling them. I don't even know what I'm afraid of; I know that people respect me for being myself and for getting to the point. So many times, I'll rake myself over the coals because I let an opportunity slip by. My mom is such an encouragement to me, though. Before she even leaves the front house, she will start praying for an opportunity to witness to someone. And she follows through, too. She has literally witnessed to people behind her in line at our neighborhood grocery store. When she can't sleep at night (which is every night, towards the very early morning) she prays for people until she falls back asleep, or it's time to get up. For as long as I can remember, she has read through the entire Bible each year. I think she's read through it well over 15 times, now.

So that's a little bit of my life.

~Curtis~