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Father, husband and currently in-between jobs. Just relocated to Michigan from Nebraska and am on the hunt for work! These are my musings about life so far and what I've done.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

*Sigh*

"How are you? Are you ok?..."
God gave me something beautiful, your trust.
We were only trying to help you.
But then my pride got in the way and I thought that I could take my time. "For every word we never spoke,/ We have a tear to cry/ For every silence like a wall between a better you and I..." I built that wall by waiting. And when I realized what I had done through my pride, it was too late. I tore into that wall, but by the time I got through it, I found the wall that you had built on the other side. I knew that your trust was gone. I could feel it every time you were crying or needed a hug and I couldn't be there. Even though it hurt, I knew that you were being comforted and held.
Now that I see things the way they are, I have to rebuild that trust. It's not because you need the help anymore or not, it's because I wouldn't be able to handle standing alone in a room with you, staring helplessly at your wall even though my pride is gone. You trusted me once and the fact that I let you down and came back is all the more reason why it needs to be repaired. Pride builds walls, I know that now. But God has leveled the ground at the cross through His love. And God's perfect love has cast down the wall of separation that our pride originally built between us and God.
But when you asked me how I was, all these thoughts became sort of stopped up and clogged together, and all I could say was,
"Yea, I'm fine..."

~Curtis~

3 comments:

Casandra said...

Sounds like you had a lot on your mind. Friendships are a funny thing sometimes.
Sometimes I wish I had the courage to write things like this on my blog. Indirectly direct. But I stick to the elusive vagueness of things that don't make sense unless I've talked about it with you in person. :)
I hope you get your relationship restored.

Swan said...

.....?

casandra said...

I just wanted you to know that it is now August 15th.. more than a month since this, your last post.

Just a friendly reminder.